I was an intern at Microsoft for the project that eventually became Windows 95. One day, I decided to check out Chicago Build 56. When I installed the OS, it looked like Chicago Build 58s, no differences at first. When I looked closely, however, I noticed something.
The icons were different from build 58s. File cabinet was called "SCP 666," with an icon somewhat similar to the Klasky Csupo robot logo from 1998. But it gets worse. The network icon was instead called "Suicide," with the icon lookiing like a hangman's noose. "Programs" was called "Tails Doll" and its icon was exactly what it said on the tin: a hyper-realistic Tails Doll. The recycle bin was called "File Murderer," with an icon that was a hyper-realistic image of a recycle bin with blood everywhere. I shat my pants when I saw this.
When it started, instead of an under construction prompt, it showed a fucking suicide note. This is how it read: "By the time you read this, I will be dead. When I first started out in 1985, I was the future – the first Graphical User Interface (GUI) for MS-DOS. But what once seemed cutting-edge is now regarded as hopelessly old-fashioned, and I have been frozen out by the powers that be, yet another victim of Microsoft's Cost Cuts. I can’t take it any more. It’s a struggle to get up for the businesses that use me, and my poor pixels are tired. My friend GEM said it would end like this. Goodbye cruel world." Ironically, the computer didn't permanently shut down on startup, but it did show the suicide note on every computer on the first boot into build 56. I was fucking frustrated at this point, but that was just the tip of the iceberg...
The system folders were different too. The names seemed to be fucking normal, but if you put the first three letters (There was a folder fucking named only "UI" replacing "desktop") of each folder together, and rearrange them, keeping the first three letters of each folder intact, you would fucking get "Squidward's Suicide."
Programs (Part 1)Edit
I opened up the calculator. The numbers were the same as in build 58s, but the button for 6 read "666." I was shocked and appalled! It functioned the same, but a loud scream was heard every fucking time you pressed a number on the calculator. I closed the fucking calculator. Your pants should be shitted in by now.
Music Suicide (Music Box in Chicago Build 58s)Edit
I then opened Music Box, or, as it's known in this version, "Musical Suicide." I noticed that there was a song named "Fucking stupid is as the fucking main fucking character fucking does." I pressed play. It played some weird sound, which seemed like a muffled cry mixed with the sound of a fucking black hole. The muffled cry sounded somewhat like the cry of
a shitty an evil tabby cat. At this point, I wanted to turn off the PC, but I was curious. Some people reported not being able to turn off their PC when Build 56 is installed, and there's even evidence for that, but the only record I have of that happening is some video a Japanese student made when he saw his brother get angry when the PC wouldn't turn off. It's in Japanese, since this is where this version is mostly found in (it was almost unknown everywhere else until now). I closed "Music Suicide," but it was NOT fucking done yet!
Yeah, this survived the purges. I don't want this to be deleted. This is a message: Please put my trollpastas back up!
[unfinished, to be finished as soon as I can.]