London life Edit
This is a tale of a rather smelly boy called Jeremy. Jeremy had an abusive childhood in London, things never went the way he wanted when he lived in London. His parents had strange addictions that meant he spent his youth outside with his friends frequently and when home he had to endure the agony of watching his mother. His mother had a unique and nameless addiction where she danced, screamed and urinated as she listened to farting noises that she records via MP3 every night. This meant that every day there was a battle in his house, his father was suffering from watching his beloved at home, she would never pay rent, she wouldn't socialise and most importantly of all, she couldn't maintain personal hygiene. Jeremy and his dad always spoke and bonded however, his dad was a mechanic and wanted his son to follow in his footsteps. Jeremy was very eager to learn and he felt passionate about cars, this passion helped him ignore his mother's strange activity. But as inspiring as his dad was, Jeremy's dad had a severe porn addiction which led to debt. One day a mysterious old man banged on their door screaming in anger, Jeremy was very young and scared so he went to his room then peered out the window which overlooked the front door. Jeremy's dad was in panic as he opened the door hesitant to speak to this man. Once his dad was in sight, the old man threw countless words out his mouth, but the one that gave Jeremy chills was "You owe PornHub £1000, you made various accounts to maintain a premium account but we have caught you out sir. You will start paying us or I will read your history to everyone you fucking know!". Jeremy felt a tear trickle down his cheek and felt heartbroken. The vicious man at the door stared up at Jeremy and screamed "Your dad watches older women pissing on each other, have you ever seen a woman piss everywhere?!". Jeremy felt the words hit him like a bullet wound in the chest. He hated hearing this man, but worst of all he could hear his mum screaming with pleasure as she pissed into a bucket with faint flatulent noises playing in her ears. Jeremy's dad slammed the door shut and began to stress about paying this debt to PornHub, he cried at breakfast, he screamed at work and worst of all he began to argue with his son. Jeremy began confused and angry "Why do you go on PornHub? Mum his here for you, you watched girls doing wee wees everywhere but mum does it all the time! Why won't you appreciate her?!" his dad's face filled with anger as he couldn't stress enough "The closest I get to your mother now is recording farts on her MP3 at night with her!". The fighting lasted days, the mother's farting lasted longer. However, there was one day that changed Jeremy's life significantly. The day that "2 girls 1 cup" became viral on the internet. Jeremy's mother went fucking nuts, she would start writing on the walls with feces and she would urinate more frequently. The video was an inspiration for her and so fueled her activity. Jeremy couldn't take the smell and the noise any longer so he called 999 then she was taken to: "The Institute of flatulent addicts" and shortly after Jeremy with his father moved from London to Maidstone, Kent to escape debt.
Jeremy hated Maidstone, it was a total mess and "a fucking shithole" he would tell everyone. His father had lost his job but became more of a regular on PornHub and made videos with obese women to cultivate some sort of income for his son. Jeremy began to hate these women and what his father was doing to them. He wanted to explode, school was hell, people sucked. Jeremy started to lose fulfillment in life but always remembered his passion for cars. He began watching shows like Top gear and Brainiac, which both showed Richard Hammond in. Furthermore he loved watching cars and the explosions, which gave him the greatest idea ever! Jeremy lived in a run down estate called Camp way, very close to Mangravet. He learned how to hotwire cars by the age of 14 then how to blow them up shortly after. This started the thefts, then many cases of arson and some cases of public urination which he inherited from his sweet mother. The day for Jeremy consisted of smashing a window of a car, hotwiring the car, driving the car to a field not to far and then urinating over the car then igniting the car with petrol leading it to explode with him watching from the distance gaining sexual gratification. This was great for Jeremy, it was his way of taking something he loved then making it explode, it was a figurative way to blow up everyone he held once dear like his vulgar dad and his mother whom pleasured herself to farting noises. Regardless of the gratification Jeremy got from blowing cars up, it wasn't enough. One day in particular he would drive a car he had previously stole around Park wood, another run down estate in Maidstone and would use his car as a catalyst to pick up girls as he wasn't old enough to go to the pub to pick up girls. He picked up a girl called Lisa on this particular day and drove her up to the field. Furthermore he undressed himself and likewise, so did she. They began getting close but Jeremy started shouting "PornHub, shitstains, piss, shit, obese women, mum's farts, 2 girls 1 cup" frantically. Lisa was estranged, she panicked as she never knew a boy to be quite like Jeremy. Jeremy started heavily then urinating fast, Lisa wept "what are you gonna do to me?" as she dodged the incoming urine. Jeremy started to fart uncontrollably whilst continuing his rant "farts, wee wee, cars, Richard Hammond..". Little did he know his father had followed him all day, concerned for his son's mental health. He stood there watching the car from the distance as it rocked and leaked urine from the bottom. His father was thinking hard about his wife and now his son, about the excessive urinating, about the sleepless, fartless nights. Finally the father shouted "I cannot love someone who loves pissing! I've had enough, I should be a fucking rapper, a fucking porn star bruv!" then proceeded to pour petrol on the car that he had obtained from the fatty he was boning the night before vigorously. Quickly he pulled out matches from his ass, lit it on fire then tossed it onto the Ford Fiesta as he heard Jeremy and this girl screaming in two different tones for two different reasons. The fire spread quickly before Jeremy could do something to save himself but one thing, he opened the window and screamed at the top of his lungs "I fucking hate smelly farts!". The car was smothered in fire and was ready to explode just seconds after. Jeremy's father turned his back on the car- on his son with a tear in his eye, he strolled off and remembered his son's last words as the car proceeded to explode. The lonely father then whispered to himself "I should be a rapper, a fucking... porn star bruv..".
The car thief lives onEdit
Jeremy died in the explosion with Lisa, but there have been concerns as to why cars around Maidstone have been driving into a field and blowing up. People near the scene of the explosion hear loud screams of a boy shouting. There have been reports of a figure inside supposedly shouting "cunts, Pornstar, daddy, wee wee, smelly farts" and other random meaningless words. The locals of Maidstone remain worried and confused to this day. One car has been reported to hit a house of a over-weight family. The Maidstone police refuse to make an inquiry about the strange happenings as they can't take the murder of "fatty fatty bom boms" seriously.